It was always so hard to describe the way I felt about coming home to people who had not experienced it already or were experiencing it along with me. It was so hard to imagine myself back in a place that for a year I had been away from...so far away from. It was like I was living in a dream world. Everyday was becoming so much more second nature to me, and he things I was doing everyday sounded so foreign to my friends and family.
I went on my exchange the summer following my high school graduation. I had never been so nervous to do anything before. But, knowing that all my friends were going their separate ways at the same time as me eased my mind a little. I will admit that the first weeks were very hard, although not nearly as hard as I had anticipated. Before I knew it I was putting dried chilies and sugar in my noodles, the cockroaches didn't seem all that big anymore, and yes, I began to find the positive side to wearing my school uniform. And the more all these things that no one who experiences them first hand thinks twice about, became so much more normal to me, I realized how much I was becoming a part of it all. Granted, no matter how much I felt a part, how well I could speak the language, how well I knew my way around the city, or how spicy I ate my noodles, I was still seen as the "falang." I will always be "falang" on the outside and a little bit Thai deep inside. And the more I felt this, the scarier it seemed to think I was going to have to come back home for a few months and then go off to college.
I think up until today, I had not really stopped and reflected on everything I did last year. But today, reading articles of YE's in Thailand or YE's preparing to go to Thailand, I realized again for the first time in a while all the rush of feeling I felt throughout my whole exchange experience. I had not expected to be placed in Thailand, and now I can't imagine having been anywhere else for ten and a half months of my life. My time in Thailand taught me, among other things, the laid back lifestyle I was missing so much in my life. Where else can you put no effort into your personal appearance, be wearing a school uniform, and still receive so much attention for having such beautiful hair and light skin? Where else can a teacher, so highly regarded there, stop and have a ten-minute conversation on the golden hair on your arms?
So, if I have any advice for those who are thinking about going on an exchange or are preparing for an exchange would be, go all out. Just live, everyday. And if language is a barrier that is holding you back, just know that if it were a barrier at all, it has a gate that can easily be open if the initiative is taken. I will never regret having spent ten and a half months in Thailand. It made me a more mature, stable and laid back person, all of which have made my first year of college that much easier to adjust to. Make your dreams a reality and pursue the exchange program...make your dreams a reality and never forget...